#2 On Hands
November 16, 2006 by Francis Lansang
In retaliation to continually rising education costs, Crayola revealed it’s subliminal campaign, “#2.” With the popular trend of colors-for-a-cause: red for aids, pink for breast cancer, yellow for Livestrong; a symbol to promote higher education has been overdue. Thus, #2 lead.
Crayola, the non-discriminatory supporter of progress, unloaded its new 24 count box of crayons that includes the new #2 lead color, Learnedness. #2 lead symbolizes the might of the mind and its objective to trump the sword via the fingertips; meanwhile, embracing revision.
Learnedness has replaced the white crayon in the 16 and 24 count box due to infrequent use. Statistically, White has become the minority and is the least sharpened crayon in the box. It fails to appear on most surfaces, however due to its prolonged existence in the spectrum, it makes its resurgence in the 64 count box. All proceeds of the 16 and 24 count boxes will be donated to an educational fund that will be distributed annually to the schools of lowest income students.
The special November 7 count box was delayed when the color-people could not finalize their Prop 86 color. The crayon was said to have been wrapped in a cigarette paper with a red “No” symbol across the middle to impress upon impressionable young minds that smoking is no-t cool. The ash color was so accurate that the wax fibers would disintegrate when making contact with anything outside of their shell. One color-person reported, “We were having a similar problem with our abortion color. Second Trimester Fetus was almost impossible to distinguish when compared to Honeysuckle. We understood that we would miss the momentum of the elections, and it was worth it to us as color-people to sacrifice punctuality for perfection.”
The special box will continue to be modified until it is modified. In addition to Learnedness, the box will now include 7 other colors reconfigured to bring awareness to worthy causes: red, pink and yellow, hemp for medicinal marijuana, revised-rainbow for gay marriage, goat skin for safe sex and translucent for natural gas.
Just the facts ma’am
According to the Organization of Economic Cooperation and Development, the US ranks 16th of 27 countries in college completion rates, a number Education Secretary Margaret Spellings intends to improve immediately. Spellings helped design President Bush’s No Child Left Behind law and will propose her intentions to the new Democrat-controlled Congress. She feels it is the responsibility of parents and taxpayers to be informed of policies so they can make educated decisions on how their money will be spent.
Number 2007
While on the subject of green, have you seen where yours is headed this coming year? As 2007 approaches, we saw yet again the proposals for an increase in educational funding. The ’07 FY budget proposed $63 billion for education, which would have been a 12.5 % increase from last years $56 billion, but ultimately failed to deliver as the President’s budget called for a $3.5 billion dollar cut.
College is becoming more expensive than a mortgage and hybrid payment, especially with basic necessities being a portable gaming system, Smartphone, winter faux-furs, retro 4’s, SB’s and AF1 Premiums. The figures below do not include any of these materials, but include tuition, books, room and board:
Cost of 4 year college ‘06:
Private: $22,218 Public: $5,836
Cost of 4 year college ‘05
Private: $21,235 Public: $5,491
Cost of 4 year college ‘04
Private: $20,082 Public: $5,132
$134 billion is available in financial aid this year, the most that has ever been available, and you might ask yourself where it’s coming from. Ok I ask yourself, “Where is it coming from?” Because the expenditures on Pell Grants decreased from $13.6 billion in 2004-2005 to $12.7 billion in 2005-2006.
The maximum Pell Grant awarded to a family whose income is $20,000 or less was $4,050 in 2006. *That covered only 33 percent of the cost of tuition, fees, room, and board at the average public four-year university in 2005-2006. The maximum Pell Grant awarded for the 2006–2007 year is $4,050. While the maximum amount can change each year depending on program funding, it has remained at $4,050 since 2002.
Lance-like Arm-Strong Push
Beethoven’s brother’s son’s niece’s brother-in-law’s son’s nephew’s god-sister re-released Ludwig Van’s “Symphony #2.” All sheet music of the new version will be printed from copiers that use a new #2 lead ink cartridge.
Standardized test chairman, Stanley Alan Taylor encourages, “What we need to do is fight unlearnedness with the #2 pencil. Where will the war be without underprivileged minorities? Where will we find normalcy without reality TV? And where will the 2400 score be without a #2 pencil.”
The right endorsement could heave this campaign into the orifice of outer space. Supporters have publicly displayed their approval with the simple gesture of extending their pointer and middle fingers.
Great things have had a history of coming in twos; 99 cent tacos, Wright Brothers, Double “A” batteries.
sources *DPC, College Board, CNN